The Time Ted Lasso and Dory the Fish Taught Us to Forget
The Time Ted Lasso and Dory the Fish Taught Us to Forget
Being Present
The Story
In an early episode of Ted Lasso, Ted tells one of his soccer players, “Be a goldfish.” The memory of a goldfish only lasts few seconds, he says.* If someone wrongs you, or a stressful situation arises, shake it off. Forget quickly. Focus on the present, not the past.
In the Pixar movie Finding Nemo, Dory is a blue tang— not a goldfish— but Ted Lasso’s advice is nonetheless baked into her character. As a fish with short-term memory loss, Dory is incapable of holding on to stress, wrongs, or any other acute sadness. All she has is the present moment, and “Just keep swimming,” is her mantra.
Some might argue that Ted’s and Dory’s advice is at best difficult to implement, and at worst actively harmful. “Be a goldfish,” and “Just keep swimming,” aren’t very effective for humans who are built with complex memories and swells of emotion. You can’t swim through trauma, for example, and you shouldn’t forget that someone wronged you if it gives that person a chance to do it again. Dory is a great example of this. She ends up repeating her mistakes (humorously) and losing track of the people she loves (tragically). Ted, by contrast, struggles with serious mental health issues throughout the course of the series, reminding us that our humanity doesn’t allow us to easily slot ourselves into the mindset of a fish.
But there are circumstances where Ted and Dory’s point is well-taken. Sometimes we need a quick reminder that life is short, and keeping long memories isn’t necessarily helpful. All we really have is now. Whether it’s on the soccer field, during an adventure to find a little orange clownfish, or in the midst of a busy Monday morning, it can be helpful to slip into the Goldfish Mindset just for a moment, and stay present.
*Note: when researching this post, I discovered that Ted is actually wrong, and so is most public perception about goldfish. They have excellent memories for their species, and can retain knowledge for weeks, months or even years. Although this post isn’t really about goldfish, I still wanted to correct the record!
The Character Trait
Being present means fully engaging and experiencing the present moment without preoccupation about the past or the future. When you’re present, you’re hyperaware of everything going on, externally and internally.
Living in the present moment— also known as mindfulness— has benefits such as reduced stress; deepened relationships; gratitude for savoring time; greater focus; and self-awareness.
Let’s Do Some Stuff Together
For the reasons mentioned above, I don’t recommend using “Be a goldfish” or “Just keep swimming” as your mantra. However, being present is worth the effort it takes (and for someone like me, who leans hard toward daydreaming and imagination, it takes a LOT of effort).
My favorite exercise to ground myself in the present is an oldie but goodie. Connect to your senses— the gateways to being present— by rooting your feet to the ground, observing your surroundings, and finding:
5 things you see
4 things you feel (internally or externally)
3 things you hear
2 things you smell
1 thing you taste
This exercise never fails to celebrate my senses and fill me with the gratitude of living in the present moment!
How can you cultivate "being present” for yourself?
Want more?
If you’re a parent, observe how your kids interact with their environments and how quickly they move on to the next fun thing. They’re the world’s experts on living in the moment.
If you’re a teacher, do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise with your students as a brain break. It’s eye-opening (and fun!) to put yourself into their senses and notice what they notice.
If you’re a writer/creator, allow yourself to stay present by removing all distractions during your creative work. I learned recently about the Forest app, which grows a virtual tree while you focus! I’m going to try it myself this week.
How did this work for you? Leave a comment below, and you might be featured in next week’s newsletter!
Last Week’s Leftovers
Last week, I wrote about teaching my flute students to take up space. Several texts and comments later, I am affirmed that “take up space” is a great mantra for confidence!
Stuff You Might Like To Know
I wrote a personal essay referencing Dory the fish called Dory in the Lobby, published a few years ago. I’d love for you to read it!
If, after this post, you’re finding yourself contemplating the value of staying present to enjoy your one brief and shining life, I highly recommend Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman.
I really appreciated Heather Cox Richardson’s post highlighting Chuck Schumer’s speech on the rise of antisemitism.
If you’re thinking more about “presents” than “presence” this holiday season, here are three gift recommendations:
For anyone: a fun Christmas tie-dye shirt (I bought one to wear on the last day of school before winter break— it’s “pajama day,” so this will be my pajama top)
For kids: a Raddish kids subscription box for home-cooking with kid-friendly recipes and utensils
For foodies: America’s Test Kitchen cookbooks, which explain the actual science behind the recipe— I love the Perfect Cookie cookbook
Wishing you all the presents AND presence you deserve this season!
Here’s to us, in all of our imperfect, striving goodness.
Keep hoping. Keep caring. Keep trying.