The Time My Flute Students Shouted Back

Being Confident

The Story

It’s the second week of school, and I’m standing in front of about thirty beginning flute players and their parents. Our band department holds an annual “First Lesson Night” for all district beginners, and as the resident flutist, I’m in charge of that room. 

If you know anything at all about playing the flute, you’ll know that it’s one of the hardest instruments to start. Getting a sound is practically impossible— you have to aim a tiny stream of air across a small hole at the exact right angle. There’s no visual guide, only a continuous, experimental puffing with your mouth contorted into unfamiliar positions, until you finally hit the sweet spot and a sound comes out. Then, after you rejoice, you have to try all over again. 

On top of that, it’s a difficult instrument to hold, especially for a nine-year-old. Your arms are way out to the side, you can’t see your fingers, you have to skip over certain keys, and it always feels like it’s about to slip out of your grip. It’s no wonder that I often see flutists resting their elbows on the backs of their chairs, or even worse, in their laps.

Photo by June O on Unsplash

Given all that, I learned long ago that hand position, breathing, and note reading are not the most important things to teach a beginning flutist.

The most important thing is confidence.

The first thing I tell them to do is put their flutes down and stand up. They all stand, and I prompt their accompanying adults to join them. “Stand tall! Shoulders back!” I call out. “Take a deep belly breath, and then say— I’m a FLUTE PLAYER!” 

“I’m a FLUTE PLAYER!” There are a few giggles, but I also see some puffed-up chests, hands on hips, evidence of empowerment.  

“Again, with pride!” 

“I’M A FLUTE PLAYER!!” By now, they’re all smiling. Their chins are up, their eyes shining. 

“Elbows out,” I say. I show them how to hold the flute with a big triangle of space between their body, right arm, and the flute. “Don’t hold your arms too close to your body.” I show them how feeble that looks. “You just said you were a flute player, and you were proud of it. So take up some space.”

I don’t know if all of the students in that room will still be playing flute one, two or ten years from now. But by gosh, they’re going to remember that if they’re going to succeed, they have to take up space. 

The Character Trait

Confidence empowers you to navigate life's challenges, form meaningful relationships, pursue your goals, and maintain well-being. While confidence should be balanced with humility and empathy, cultivating self-confidence can significantly enhance your quality of life. Confident people are more likely to believe in themselves, bounce back from failures, express themselves clearly and assertively, overcome obstacles, and envision a more positive future. 

Let’s Do Some Stuff Together

This week, pick an area of your life to “fake it until you make it.” That doesn’t mean you should put on false bravado or project an air of experience that you don’t have. Instead, find a way to take up space, focus on the faith that things will turn out well, and harness that energy to fuel your project.

I’m going to do this with my band students this week. As the winter concerts draw near, there are so many ways I can be picky and demanding about their band music preparation. But I’m going to plant my feet, look them in the eye and say, “I’m confident you’ll be ready.”

Want more?

If you’re a parent, use “take up space” as a mantra for yourself. Not only will it increase your confidence level, it will also remind you that you deserve space, time and energy that exists apart from your family. 

If you’re a teacher, do some physical exercises with your students that allow them to take up space. There’s the (in)famous “superman” pose, but even a simple Go Noodle can help students get a sense of their bodies in space. 

If you’re a writer/creator, keep a file of compliments people have given you about your work, so that you can turn to it for a confidence boost when you’re feeling low.

How did this work for you? Leave a comment below, and you might be featured in next week’s newsletter!

Last Week’s Leftovers

Last week, I shared my grandmother’s story, including raising a child while her husband was off to war. This prompted an interesting conversation with my dad about how my grandparents’ experiences informed their parenting. I’ve been thinking about Grandma Sophie a lot lately, and it puts things in perspective to remember that her strength and attitude got her through so many challenges in her life. Imagine surviving that 1919 flu epidemic (it’s named after the 1918 pandemic, but the 1919 winter was its height) as a baby!

Tell me about your explorations into being feisty!

Stuff You Might Like To Know

I’m currently reading Body Neutral (nonfiction) by Jessi Kneeland and listening to Cassandra in Reverse (fiction) by Holly Smale.

I’m confident that I’ll be able to bake all the cookies on my list before Christmas! One of my favorite new recipes is the Maple Pecan cookies from this cookbook. YUM.

Here’s to us, in all of our imperfect, striving goodness.

Keep hoping. Keep caring. Keep trying.