What "Accomplishment" Is All About
Or, Mr. Darcy Speaks #LifeGoals
The Story
The first time I ever gave serious thought to my future self was the summer I read Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. (I was about thirteen.) In the book, Elizabeth Bennet is surprised to hear Mr. Darcy explain his vision of an accomplished woman. “A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, all the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved.”
“All this she must possess,” adds Darcy, “and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”
Elizabeth replies, “I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any.”
Being somewhat smitten with Mr. Darcy at the time (thanks to the BBC miniseries— if you know, you know), my preteen heart decided that I must try and live up to this summation of an ideal woman, one who could "do it all,” while making it seem effortless.
From Mr. Darcy, I absorbed the message that the goal of life was to do—to fill my life with checklists and goals, rather than characteristics and relationships.
Jane Austen was, for her time, a feminist. She gave her readers strong female role models, women who had the agency and audacity to say “no” to men they didn’t like, and thrive on their wits and social currency. These women were no mere shadows on the page; they were feisty, loyal, funny, and bright.
But in Jane Austen’s world, there was so little a woman could do. Therefore, she must shine in every single possible area— art, music, literature, witty conversation— to make herself appealing to the type of man she sought, thereby attaining the best life available to her. It was also socially unacceptable to speak of deeper feelings except within the context of a marriage discussion, so women had to show their feelings through action. Mr. Darcy’s version of “the ideal woman” makes sense from this standpoint.
Today, women and men no longer live within those rigid societal confines. There are endless ways for us to express feelings and connect deeply with each other. Yet we still put so much emphasis on doing as a connection point. “What do you do?” “What are your hobbies?” “How do you exercise?” “What are you reading?”
There’s nothing wrong with those questions. But they don’t get to the heart of things.
As I wrote in my last post, What “Good Character” Is All About, being, rather than doing, is the start of Good Character.
“Are you a good listener?” “Are you devoted to your family?” “Are you trustworthy? Kind? Reliable?”
These are the questions we really want answers to! These are the questions that help us connect on a deeper level.
I learned the wrong lesson from Pride and Prejudice. At the end of the book, Mr. Darcy proves that he cares nothing for the accomplishments of a woman, as long as that woman was Elizabeth Bennet. She didn’t fit his description, but because she was feisty, loyal, funny, and bright, he loved her.
He didn’t care what she did; he cared who she was.
Still, there’s a nagging question about this whole being vs. doing thing. How do you show who you are without… doing things?
I’ll be exploring that question in our next post, after Thanksgiving.
Welcome To The Good Character Community!
Since I last posted, we’ve welcomed Aiden, Diane, Theresa, and a few anonymous subscribers. Thank you for joining us! Please consider introducing yourself in the comments or via email, and telling me what you think “Good Character” means, or what topics you hope I’ll explore.
Stuff You Might Like To Know
Some exciting things are coming up!
First of all, I’m looking for beta readers for the first ten chapters of my latest historical novel, titled JO & MARY. It’s about the real-life character of Dr. Josephine Baker, the trailblazing, progressive-era public health commissioner who saved the lives of 90,000 babies and, one fateful day, aided in the capture of the famous “Typhoid Mary,” Mary Mallon. If you enjoy historical fiction and are interested in helping me shape this story, please send me an email or leave a comment.
Secondly, submissions will be re-opening on December 1 for IN A FLASH, and I’m going to be the lead editor for the theme of RHYTHM! If you can write a true story in 500 words or less on the theme of RHYTHM, please submit. (It’s okay if we know each other; submissions are read blind, so I won’t be biased.)
I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I’m grateful for each and every one of you. (Especially if you made it to the end of this post!)
Keep hoping. Keep caring. Keep trying.