Want To Live A Purposeful Life? Think About Dying.

Value #3: Living Intentionally & Balancing Time

The Story

Whenever someone suggests that I set an intention— in meditation, in yoga classes, at the start of the school year— I laugh, because I am incapable of setting only one. At any given time, I’m juggling many intentions:

I intend to be an attentive and caring teacher today.

I intend to enforce household rules with my children and also create space for high-quality communication.

I intend to cook a delicious dinner.

I intend to spend 90 minutes writing.

Do these things all happen? Mostly. Do I exhibit these states of being, or execute these tasks, perfectly? Well… that’s another story. The key is: I know what I want, and I’ve started to believe that this knowing is a gift— at least, when combined with knowing myself well enough to take those intentions and put them into practice.

This past week marked my 26th year of being cancer-free. (For those who are new to my story, no, I’m not that old! I was fourteen when diagnosed and seventeen when I got my “all clear.”) I will never know which parts of my personality DNA were a given from birth and which were forged in the crucible of battling cancer as a teenager. However, having been close to many people both before and after a major medical diagnosis (including my mother, sister and best friend) along with my own experience, I can say with assurance that facing your mortality is the quickest way to clarify what you want from the rest of your life.

This is what Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals and Meditations for Mortals would call “embracing finitude.” Acknowledging that life will end, and our inability to know when that is, pushes us to prioritize and live an intentional life, instead of a life that is controlled by others, or slips away in mind-numbing oblivion.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Whether or not you’ve experienced a major medical diagnosis, everyone reading this newsletter has contemplated death. Some of us push the feeling away; some of us sit with it. Both reactions are fine. The point is what we do with that discomfort.

The result of my discomfort is that I can get a little pathological about wasting time or energy. That does NOT mean that I never spend time relaxing, or taking a nap, or staring out the window, because they all contribute to my mental health and overall energy. But I don’t have patience for scrolling through social media, or reading a book I’m not enjoying, or getting stuck on the phone trying to correct a billing problem, because none of those things add to my life. For better or worse, I value my time— sometimes to an extreme— but always with the intention of spending time according to my passions and values.

How To Live More Intentionally

If you’re interested in living a more intentional life, you may appreciate a copy of my practical guide to creative work and life planning. I will be sharing the full guide, entitled “Create Your Best Life Through the Why/What/How Process,” with any subscriber who refers three new subscribers to Good Character. There’s no limit on the number of people who can receive this subscriber reward! Just click the links below to share directly with three friends, OR visit this post, which explains the process more fully.

And if you’re not sure if it’s worth the effort, here’s a quick preview, which includes four slides from the presentation.

Series Update

This was the third post in the Good Character VALUES series! The first post featured Beaker the Muppet in a conversation about balancing “Me” and “We;” the second recommended attempting time travel as a way to balance past, present and future-thinking. Next week, stay tuned for Value #4: Kindness, Politeness, and Social Norms.

Stuff You Might Like To Know

IN A FLASH will be opening for the theme of GROWTH from February 1-15. Send us your best, under 500 words.

My co-editor Casey Mulligan Walsh wrote a gorgeous piece about her son called ‘The Beautiful Game.” Please give it a read!

I’m reading Malcolm Gladwell’s REVENGE OF THE TIPPING POINT, and though I’ve gravitated away from his work in recent years, this book is blowing me away. I also just started Marie Benedict’s THE OTHER EINSTEIN. It may be a comp title for my new book!

I’m listening to Ezra Klein’s interview of Oliver Burkeman, whom I mentioned above. I highly recommend his books and his newsletter, The Imperfectionist.

I’m watching SNL with my husband— I’m excited for the 50th anniversary special in February!

Keep hoping. Keep caring. Keep trying.