The Time My 4-Year-Old Daughter Sang Lady Gaga

Being Joyful

The Story

I was home with my four-year-old daughter on a Tuesday evening while my husband and son were at karate class. From down the hall, I heard her singing to herself in the bathroom. “Ba, ba, ba-ba-BAH! Rome-ah, rome-ah-ah!” 

IS SHE SINGING LADY GAGA? I couldn’t believe it, but it was on pitch, and the syllables were roughly correct. Still, it wasn’t a song I’d ever introduced to her at home. 

“What song are you singing, Lovey?” I called to her.

“I don’t know!” she said. I heard the sink turn on in the bathroom as she washed her hands. “My friend likes this song. We listened to it at daycare today.”

I pulled out my phone, did a quick search for “Poker Face” on Apple Music, and when she re-entered the living room, I pressed play. “Is this it?”

Her face lit with delight. “YES!” she cried. Then, “Mommy, can we have a dance party? Right now?”

So of course, we danced to Lady Gaga. And as we did, I marveled at my daughter’s gravitation to and connection with a song that I didn’t think she’d ever heard. Her hair was flying as she moved her body, loose and free and spinning with happiness. I reveled in the joy it brought her; the joy doubled itself, enveloping me. 

Photo by Luca Upper on Unsplash

After the song finished, we sank onto the couch, and she said another astonishing thing. 

“Mommy, can I put this on a playlist?”

I had no idea she knew what a playlist was, either! 

“Sure,” I said, and from then on, she had a self-titled playlist in Apple Music. We add to it regularly, most often when she comes home from dance class. Scrolling through, it’s a musical history of all her dance class numbers, plus songs from movies she likes and the occasional tune we hear on the radio. Her taste is pop-heavy, upbeat, but also somewhat random: a Kelly Clarkson song, the Doobie Brothers, Meghan Trainor. 

I have my own playlists on Apple Music. One of them is titled “Joy.” Every song is meant to give me a boost. But my daughter’s playlist is all joy, because that’s what her music brings her. 

The Character Trait

Joy is a profound feeling of deep happiness involving a sense of contentment, satisfaction, and inner peace. It’s different from mere pleasure, which is temporary and often linked to sensory experiences. Joy is a more enduring and profound emotion that can be experienced even in the absence of external pleasure, and can arise from feelings of love, gratitude, accomplishment, or a sense of belonging. 

A focus on joy reduces stress; improves physical health; strengthens relationships; builds resilience; motivates positive action; and fuels creativity. 

Let’s Do Some Stuff Together

This week, I’m going to perform a random act of kindness. Acts of kindness— as well as expressions of empathy and compassion, and volunteering for a cause— are proven ways to create positive feedback loops for yourself, which can lead to a profound sense of joy. 

I’ll report back next week on my random act of kindness. Leave me a comment with yours!

Want more?

If you’re a parent, figure out what scenarios bring your child the most joy and try to replicate them. No need for high-cost trips to Disney— joy can be found in simple acts of ritual and surprise, nature and design. Kids consistently connect to joy better than adults do; let their joy guide you, and lean into it!

If you’re a teacher, cultivate joy in your teaching by delving into projects that excite you creatively.

If you’re a writer/creator, add scenes in which your character feels joy! Even the darkest stories and most tense plots need moments of levity.

How did this work for you? Leave a comment below, and you might be featured in next week’s newsletter!

Last Week’s Leftovers

Last week, I shared my experience of being the patient, the mom of a patient, and the daughter of a patient at the same hospital, and how they all led to a sense of groundedness. I suggested connecting to your body and looking for scenarios in which you felt most connected to your roots and sense of self-certainty. I nurtured this sense by focusing on my feet on the ground when I meditated each morning. I also realized that I feel grounded, ironically, when my gut and brain are soaring creatively— when I’m writing something and feel the excited twinge that tells me I’ve found a way to express a deep truth, or when I’m teaching and in the “flow” of being present and communicating with my students. This is when I feel truly grounded in my sense of purpose.

Tell me about your explorations into being grounded!

Stuff You Might Like To Know

I would be remiss if I didn’t link to Ingrid Fetell Lee’s incredible work on incorporating joy in design. I love her book, JOYFUL: THE SURPRISING POWER OF ORDINARY THINGS TO CREATE EXTRAORDINARY HAPPINESS. Also, one of her recent newsletters focused on designing joyful schools. I would love to work in one of these buildings!

I just finished THE RUNNING GRAVE by Robert Galbraith (J.K. Rowling’s pseudonym) and it’s the best Cormoran Strike mystery yet. I highly recommend the Audible version; the reader is superb. (Disclaimer: JKR’s work can be gender- and body-phobic; these themes are very light in this particular book, but read with the mental equivalent of a grain of salt.)

A mix of things bringing me joy this week: Connections on the NYT games app; treats from our local orchard’s bakery, The Apple Core; these Shabbas candlesticks; putting up the Christmas decorations early. (I’m a Jewish girl who was raised with Christmas, and it’s my favorite holiday.)

Here’s to us, in all of our imperfect, striving goodness.

Keep hoping. Keep caring. Keep trying.