The Time Marching Band Saved Me

Being in Community, Part 1

The Story

It was the summer of 1997, and I was in the middle of the longest MRI test of my life. I’d been injected with dye, rolled into a giant white tube, and subjected to ear-splitting hammering and beeping that made my flimsy foam earplugs as useless as cotton candy. After an hour, I was barely holding it together. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I knew if I moved to wipe them, that portion of the test would be nullified and I’d have to start again. I kept telling myself to hold it together, but I was growing perilously close to a panic attack.

Around that time, I was a big fan of THE PRINCESS BRIDE. In the book, while Westley is being tortured with The Machine, he “takes his mind away” by thinking of Buttercup, and claims he does it so well, he doesn’t even feel the pain. In that MRI machine, on the verge of a meltdown, I channeled Westley, but instead of a beautiful princess, I thought of… marching band.

Photo by Joshua Hanson on Unsplash

In my mind, I put myself on the field, in uniform, holding my piccolo in playing position (a perfect 90 degrees from the ground). Then I mentally marched my way through the entire twelve-minute show, my fingers tapping piccolo fingerings lightly on my outstretched legs, the only movement I was allowed. I pictured all my movements on the field, heard every note of the music through the barrage of MRI hammering. My breathing slowed, my heartbeat aligned with the rhythm in my mind, and by the time I’d gone through the entire show, the test was over.

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Every year, my students ask me why I chose to be a band teacher, and I always give them an unexpected answer. “Band saved me,” I say simply. I don’t always talk about having cancer (though I’m willing, if they ask further) but I want them to know that I believe what they’re learning is so much more than the notes on the page or the sound of a flute. Marching in step, playing in tune, with a hundred other people, helped me heal from pain I couldn’t express in words.

(I tried to express the words many years later, in my essay The Band Room, which I read aloud at Lincoln Center in early 2020.)

Band is about community— a deep sense of togetherness.

The Character Trait

Maybe, for you, being in community isn’t band— it’s softball, or church, or book club. It can be anything! The point is to feel that deep connection and collaboration toward a shared goal that benefits everyone. When you’re acting in community with others, it gives you a sense of being part of something bigger than yourself.

Our culture has become much more individualistic, and I fear the pandemic (which began in earnest 4 years ago this week) has accelerated this trend. Technology and proximity to resources means that we’re more capable of surviving without others— but we are not thriving. We need community to thrive.

Let’s Do Some Stuff Together

Look at your calendar. How much time are you spending in community with others? Remember the definition: community is time spent in collaboration, feeling connected to others and working toward a shared goal. The scope of the goal doesn’t matter, as long the activity benefits all.

Most of us aren’t spending enough time in community. I know I’m not. Next week, I’m going to write more about that. For now, just notice where you’re at— and if you are a part of a community, spend some time reflecting on what you’ve gained from it.

Want more?

If you’re a parent or teacher, point out to your kids when they’re working as a team— and then give them more opportunities to do so.

If you’re a writer/creator, how can you collaborate with others? For example, I wrote for years in isolation and felt something was missing. So in the summer of 2022, I formed a writing group. We’ve been meeting every month and sharing creative nonfiction, and it’s been educational, connective, and fun. Some of them even read this newsletter! (Hi, Flashies!)

Remember, I frame my “want more” suggestions based on my experience— I’m a teacher, a mom of two, and a writer. But if you’re looking for more on this subject, and you wear a different hat, let me know! I’ll find a “want more” for you, too.

How did this work for you? Leave a comment below, and you might be featured in next week’s newsletter!

Stuff You Might Like To Know

I’m currently reading the queer romance IRIS KELLY DOESN’T DATE. It’s joyful and complex, and the plot features a production of MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, my favorite play!

I’m watching Taylor Swift’s Eras concert on Disney+ (who isn’t?). I wasn’t a Swiftie before, but I sure am now.

I’m excited for spring weather, which means blooming flowers, ice cream cones, and my kids jumping in their bounce house.

Here’s to us, in all of our imperfect, striving goodness.

Keep hoping. Keep caring. Keep trying.