Parenting With Character #2: Guardrails

You Need A License to Drive. Why Not A License To Operate A Phone?

I spent virtually the entire summer obsessing about one thing: when and how to give my oldest kid a phone. I was worried about all the things we’ve been told to worry about: screen addiction, lack of real-life social connections, constant distractions.

But all that obsessive worrying paid off. Because I figured out a way to give our kid a phone that focused on all the positives of technology while putting guardrails around all the potential negatives.

I made him a phone license. Like a driver’s license. A license to operate his phone.

Here’s how the process worked:

I spent a few weeks coming up with the rules he’d need to follow, plus the language I’d use in the license. I wanted the rules to be clear, but I also didn’t want the process to feel heavy-handed or depressing. Using a fun Canva design really helped keep things lighthearted, and I added a few little inside jokes for humor. My husband weighed in too, of course, and we agreed that we’d all sign the license.

Here’s how the license starts:

“Much like a driver’s license, getting a phone is now a rite of passage, and like driving a car, provides joy and freedom as well as challenges and safety concerns. It has a learning curve which must be firmly but lovingly supervised by parents.”

Following that, I stated the qualifications for earning a phone (demonstrating certain responsibilities, etc.) and a list of what the phone would primarily be used for (texting family and friends, music, a few approved games) and not used for (social media). Then I made a list of rules for when the phone could and couldn’t be used.

“According to the License Givers (Mom & Dad), the following rules must be followed to maintain license:

1. You must be responsible for your phone, including keeping it safe and password locked when out of the house.

2. The phone will not be taken to your room except when used for actual phone calls. It will not be kept in your room overnight under ANY circumstances; it must be placed in the charging station by 9:00 PM and not retrieved until after breakfast.

3. There will be no phone usage during school,* homework, or instrument practicing.

4. During family time (including meals and car trips) you must either put the phone away or ask for permission to use it.

5. Phone etiquette, including texting guidelines, will be be taught and checked regularly.”

*His school already enforces this rule.

At the end of the license, it said that the license can be revoked if rules aren’t followed. Although I don’t expect to use this clause on my rule-following son, I felt it was important to have something to point to if things changed.

We gave him the license a few days before the phone, so that we could make the actual gift a more joyful experience. He thought all of the rules sounded reasonable and signed his name next to ours.

Here’s how we made it joyful:

Before giving him the phone, we asked all our close family and friends to send him a text to welcome him to his new phone and congratulate him on this rite of passage. I added all their names to his contact list, and photos where I could. We downloaded a ringtone we knew he’d like. And then on the morning we gave him the phone, I hid it, then called it. He chased the source of the sound, and I got to be on the other end of his first call.

All of this put together made the experience of getting his phone fun and focused on communication with others. When he opened it, he had all these amazing texts and videos from loved ones. He spent time crafting thoughtful replies.

He’s had the phone for a month now. So far, it’s gone way, way better than I was imagining it over the summer. He’s followed all the rules. I’m not seeing him get buried in the screen. And I know that if something changes, I have this agreement to fall back on.

If anyone’s interested in seeing a copy of the phone license to use for your own kids, let me know! I’m happy to share. Just comment below.

Please share this post with parents of school-age kids— I’d be so thrilled if this advice could be useful to other families!

Here’s to us, taking the bigger perspective and living the bigger life.

I’ll be back next week with more Good Character!