Mid-Summer Check-In

Time + Relationships

“The days are long, but the years are short,” Gretchen Rubin often says on her podcast, Happier. There’s no time when this is more true than summer. It feels like forever since the last day of school or even July 4th, but also, I can’t believe how fast the new school year is rushing toward us. It’s like my sense of time has become gooey and uncontainable, like a candy bar left too long in the sun.

And what am I doing with that time?

Well, I’m pursuing all the goals I laid out in my last post, and come the end of August, I’ll have a scorecard to share. (For those who are curious— yes, I am keeping up with my writing quotas, and as of this post, I am over halfway through the novel draft!)

But I’m also pursuing an unnamed and much more important goal: I’m spending my time strengthening my relationships.

It’s interesting that this goal is far more important than anything else— exercise, writing, chores, even travel— and yet I didn’t write it down, didn’t determine a specific path, didn’t find a way to keep myself accountable. I’ve learned that this is how it works when you’re in pursuit of Good Character. When it’s really important, you don’t head directly toward it.

Instead, I’m taking that elastic, gooey, un-contained time and giving it to others.

For example:

I’m having near-daily morning coffee with my husband on our back porch, where we sit, talk, and look at our view. We’re also taking day trips together and watching a new, funny TV show that keeps us laughing. I’ve noticed that we’re holding hands more, hugging and kissing more, and are altogether much gentler with each other, even around stressful subjects like packing for trips or disagreeing on house projects. It’s been a romantic renaissance.

I’ve offered to babysit my nephew more often. This serves to connect me with both my nephew (who’s three and endlessly entertaining) and my sister, by showing up for her when she needs me. It also builds the relationship between our children, the cousins.

I’m playing more games with my kids: in the pool; on the driveway; board games; card games; Nintendo Sports. We can be a competitive family but everyone finds games fun and connective. In the summer, I have more looseness in me for silliness, more opportunity for playfulness.

I’m trying especially hard to spend quality time with each kid on their own. My daughter just got a spa/movie night and shopping trip. I’ll be spending extra time with my son when his sister’s at camp for the next two weeks. We’re planning a trip to a historical home together, but I’m sure we’ll be going to the arcade, too.

And finally, my relationship with myself has deepened, too. I take more pleasure in daily things: long walks; cups of coffee; wandering through shops; reading so many books. My mind is in a beautiful hammock-like space between remembering wonderful summers past and imagining future ones. I’m satisfying so many of my wants, indulging myself with the things I love while I have the time to savor them.

A new glass, made by a local glassblower, that I’m enjoying on our joined Adirondack chairs.

Stuff You Might Like To Know

I’ll be sharing my summer reading recommendations in my August post, but here’s what I’m in the middle of right now:

THE PRINCESS OF LAS VEGAS by Chris Bohjalian (fiction)

SWAN SONG by Elin Hilderbrand (fiction)

TRUST by Hernan Diaz

THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING by Amanda Montell

And here are a few things I love about summer life:

Floating in the pool

Tonic and lemon (sometimes with grapefruit-rose vodka) and lots of ice

Soft-serve ice cream in a cone with sprinkles

Adirondack chairs

Getting up with the sun

Listening to music loud, with the windows rolled down

I hope your summer has been, and will continue to be, all you want and need. I’ll be back here at the end of August.